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Letter "T" » Tommy Cooper Quotes
(Click a letter to view the authors)
«You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'»
Author: Tommy Cooper
| About:
Driving,
Funny
| Keywords:
actually, complimented, driving, note, parked, parking, windscreen
«A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'»
Author: Tommy Cooper
| About:
Dogs,
Funny
| Keywords:
alarmed, assistant, assistants, bloke, blokes, calls, Call for help, guide, guide dog, head start, Just Say No, picks, shop, shop assistant, sir, swinging, thanks, The Blind, The Dog, walks
«I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.»
Author: Tommy Cooper
| About:
Funny
| Keywords:
I Woke Up, marshmallow, pillow, pound, The Pillow, This Morning, woke
«Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.»
«I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.»
Author: Tommy Cooper
| About:
Music,
Painting
| Keywords:
inherited, lousy, painter, Rembrandt, The Violin, turned out, unfortunately, violin, violins
«It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.»
«So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'»
«And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this my livelihood.'»
«I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already!»
Author: Tommy Cooper
«I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.»
Author: Tommy Cooper
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