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Letter "D" » Dave Barry Quotes
«Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.»
Author: Dave Barry
(
Humorist,
Writer)
|
Keywords:
cakes,
chewed,
chewing,
chews,
chew up,
coffee,
coffee cup,
cup,
eating,
filling,
foam,
foaming,
rice
«UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 square feet and weighed 40 tons; there was also a laptop version weighing 27 tons.»
Author: Dave Barry
(
Humorist,
Writer)
|
Keywords:
contained,
device,
laptop,
my version,
occupied,
square,
The Tube,
tubes,
vacuum,
version,
versions,
weighed,
weighing
«The members took turns lighting sparklers and signing their John Hancocks to the Declaration, with one prankster even going so far as to actually write John Hancock.»
«Your basic guy is into a straight-ahead, bottom-line kind of thought process that does not work nearly as well with the infinitely subtle complexities of human relationships as it does with calculating how much gravel is needed to cover a given driveway.»
Author: Dave Barry
(
Humorist,
Writer)
|
Keywords:
bottom line,
calculating,
complexities,
cover,
driveway,
driveways,
gravel,
human process,
infinitely,
line of work,
subtle,
Think Ahead,
thought process
«The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.»
Author: Dave Barry
(
Humorist,
Writer)
|
About:
Communication,
Funny,
Internet
|
Keywords:
call waiting,
communication,
development,
History of,
Human communication,
human development,
internet,
invention,
The History,
The History of,
The Internet
«I was a young person once, shortly after the polar ice caps retreated, and I distinctly recall believing that virtually all adults were clueless goobers.»
Author: Dave Barry
(
Humorist,
Writer)
|
About:
Adulthood
|
Keywords:
adults,
capped,
caps,
clueless,
distinctly,
goober,
ice cap,
polar,
recall,
retreated,
shortly,
virtually,
young person
«Admit it, sport-utility-vehicle owners! It's shaped a little differently, but it's a station wagon! And you do not drive it across rivers! You drive it across the Wal-Mart parking lot!»
Author: Dave Barry
(
Humorist,
Writer)
|
Keywords:
across,
admit,
differently,
drive,
mart,
marts,
owners,
parked,
parking,
parking lot,
rivers,
shaped,
sport,
sport utility,
sport utility vehicle,
station wagon,
The Station,
utilities,
utility,
vehicle,
wagon,
wagons,
you-drive
«I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven-year-olds who tried to learn snowboarding.»
Author: Dave Barry
(
Humorist,
Writer)
|
About:
Ski
|
Keywords:
formed,
forty-seven,
forty,
hills,
Olds,
ski,
skis,
slope,
slopes,
Snowboarding
«One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel ahead in time and shave beard hairs that don't even exist yet»
Author: Dave Barry
(
Humorist,
Writer)
|
About:
Funny,
Humor,
Technology,
Time
|
Keywords:
Ahead Of Their Time,
ahead of time,
announce,
announces,
announcing,
beard,
bearded,
bearding,
development,
Gillette,
hairs,
in time,
microchip,
microchips,
razor,
Razors,
shave,
shaved,
shaves,
thanks
«I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.»